I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
