the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
