Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
