Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize