I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
