I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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