Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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