I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
