My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm too high and old for this...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
