Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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