The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
