Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
