I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
