The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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