I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
