Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
