hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I see more hoeing in ur future
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