my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
