You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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