Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bring money and cleavage
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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