You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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