I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize