you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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