Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
