Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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