Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
