i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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