Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
