Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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