Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize