Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
