he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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