sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
