I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
