Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
