JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
