my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
