1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
