Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
