That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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