I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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