So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your dad touched me again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize