hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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