weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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