you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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