I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
