So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
