There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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