now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
