I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
