He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize