Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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