She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
