We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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