I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
