I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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