watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
