Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
