Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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