I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
