I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
