do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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