someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
