Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize