My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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