She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
