Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
