she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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