The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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