Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
