Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
