I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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