He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize