Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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