my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your penis caused this!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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