Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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