I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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