i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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