I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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