I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
