I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Randomize
