just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
