i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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