I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
