can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
