You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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