you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
