I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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