You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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