It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
