I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
