woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
