I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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