do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
