I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
